Late

Late

An airline pilot was scheduled to take a flight from New York to Los Angeles. The weather was too bad in New York to allow his usual on time departure. The weather in New York finally cleared and the pilot asked for his departure clearance. He was very dismayed to hear that he had another … Read more

Suspenders

Suspenders

Two men leave a store. One man walks to his Corvette, the other walks out to his moped. The guy with the moped admires the Corvette and the owner lets him take a look at it. The he gets on his moped, the other guy gets into his ‘Vette, and they both leave the parking … Read more

The Wolf and Lamb

The Wolf and Lamb

A Wolf found great difficulty in getting at the sheep owing to the vigilance of the shepherd and his dogs. But one day it found the skin of a sheep that had been flayed and thrown aside, so it put it on over its own pelt and strolled down among the sheep. The Lamb that … Read more

The Camel Refused To Budge

The Camel Refused To Budge

An arab and his wife are at mid point on a long trek across the desert when suddenly their camel sits down and refuses to get up. The arab beats it with his stick, pulls with all his strength on the reins, swears at it, and invokes Allah’s help. All to no avail, the camel … Read more

I’m Being Screwed

I’m Being Screwed

A woman went to the service counter and told the clerk she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it won’t work: The clerk told her that he can’t give her a refund because she bought it on special. Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming… “PINCH … Read more

How Was It

How Was It

A woman meets an elderly man in a bar. They talk. They connect. they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There are three shelves in the … Read more

Grandpa

Grandpa

Hud was staying with his grandfather for a few days. He’d been playing outside with the other kids, when he came into the house and asked, ‘Grandpa, what’s that called when two people sleep in the same bedroom and one is on top of the other?’ His Grandpa was a little taken aback, but he … Read more

A Perfect Shot

A Perfect Shot

A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. He was driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner said: “What’s taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!” The guy answered: “My wife is up there watching me from … Read more

I Am Allergic To Nuts

I Am Allergic To Nuts

Man and woman are out on a dinner date. Waiter: “What will you be having tonight ma’am?” Woman: “I’ll have the salad, no nuts please.” Waiter: “Of course.” Man: “But it didn’t say it had nuts.” Woman: “I’m allergic, so I tell them just to be safe.” Man: “That makes sense.” Waiter: “And for you, … Read more