Surprise

Surprise

Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn’t wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn’t wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, “Happy birthday, boss!” I felt so special. She asked me out … Read more

Exercise oat bran low-fat foods

Exercise oat bran low fat foods

An elderly couple were killed in an accident and found themselves being given a tour of heaven by Saint Peter. Here is your oceanside condo, over there are the tennis courts, swimming pool, and two golf courses. If you need any refreshments, just stop by any of the many bars located throughout the area,” said … Read more

I’m married

I’m married

Bill wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Bill looks around the … Read more

The Pool Party

The Pool Party

A rich millionaire decides to throw a massive party for his 50th birthday. So during this party he grabs the microphone and he announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two crocodiles in it. “I will give anything they desire of mine, to the … Read more

The Unused Brain

The Unused Brain

The patient’s family gathered to hear what the specialists had to say. “Things don’t look good. The only chance is a brain transplant. This is an experimental procedure. It might work, but the bad news is that brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the costs yourselves.” “Well, how much does a … Read more

Prepare yourself to be a widow

Prepare yourself to be a widow

In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the Mystic delivered the grave news: “There’s no easy way to tell you this, so I’ll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year.” Visibly shaken, Laura stared at the woman’s lined … Read more

My Wife Will Call Me A Coward

My Wife Will Call Me A Coward

Moishe the Carpenter, returning home with his week’s wages, was accosted by an armed robber on a deserted street. “Take my money,” said Moishe, “but do me a favour: shoot a bullet through my hat otherwise my wife won’t believe I was robbed.” The robber obliged. He threw Moishe’s hat into the air and put … Read more

Why aren’t you afraid of me

Why aren’t you afraid of me

One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away. Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to the man and said, “Don’t you know who I … Read more

Two smoking ladies

Two smoking ladies

Pam and Kate are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Pam pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking. “What in the heck is that?” asks Kate. “A condom”, replies Pam. “This way my cigarette doesn’t get wet”. … Read more