A woman went shopping. At the cash counter, she opened her purse to pay. The cashier noticed a TV remote in her purse: He could not control his curiosity and ask. “Do you always carry your TV remote with you?” She replied. “No, not always, but my husband refused to accompany me shopping today because … Read more
During a shortage of eligible men, a bear, a pig and a rabbit are called up for national service. While waiting for the medical examinations, they all admit they’re terrified of being killed. ‘I’m ungainly and pink,’ says the pig, truthfully. ‘The enemy will see me a mile off – so I decided to chop … Read more
Little Johnny came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted. “Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.” Little Johnny was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school … Read more
A policeman was testing three Dumb brothers who were training to become detectives To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guy a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?” The first guy answers, “That’s easy, we’ll catch him fast because … Read more
I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: “Hi, how are you?” I’m not the type to start a conversation in the men’s restroom, but I don’t know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, ‘I’m doing just fine.” And the other guy says: “So, what … Read more
Paddy and Murphy meet at the supermarket and Paddy says, “Hey, man! How have you been?” “Oh, great,” says Murphy “I have recently bought an elephant.” “An elephant? Are you serious?” asks Paddy. “Yeah, man The kids love him, he’s their best friend They call him Mr Trunks He washes my car with his trunk … Read more
“But the left arm is a lot longer than the right arm,” he complained. “That’s why the suit is such a bargain,” the sales clerk explained “Just cock your left shoulder up a little, like this, and tuck this left lapel under your chin a bit, like this.” “But the right leg is way too … Read more
He went to buy a guard dog, but his wife was angry when he returned with a chihuahua So the guy goes to a pet shop and says to one of the employees, “I need a guard dog to protect my apartment” The employee responds, “I have the perfect dog for you”, she then showed … Read more
However, they all fail to notice the stop signs, and all crash into each other at an intersection. They all arrive at the Pearly Gates where St Peter is waiting for them. St Peter asks, “So, what’s your story?” The first of the three men replies, “Well, I think I just died in a car … Read more
The other night I was invited out for a night with the girls I told Jerry that I would be home by midnight, ‘I promise!’ Well, the hours passed and the Bacardis went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home Just as I got in the door, the … Read more
A young man was getting ready to graduate college For many months he had admired a beautiful sports car in a dealer’s showroom, and knowing his father could well afford it, he told him that was all he wanted. As Graduation Day approached, the young man awaited signs that his father had purchased the car. … Read more
The 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud lady, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o’clock, with her hair fashionably coiffed and makeup perfectly applied, even though she is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today. Her husband of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently … Read more